Consider how difficult it is to change yourself, and you will have a much better understanding of your chances of changing someone else. early 1980’s
Is It Love or Infatuation?
Infatuation is fleeting desire – one set of glands calling to another. It is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about the relationship that you would just as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the dream.
Love is friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time. Love is quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you – to bolster your beloved. you are warmed by his presence, even when he is far away. Miles do not separate you. You have so many wonderful films in your head that you keep replaying. But near or far, you know he is yours, and you can wait.
Infatuation says, “We must get married (or have sex) right away. I can’t risk losing him.” Love says, “Be patient. Don’t panic. Plan your future with confidence.”
Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. Whenever you are together, you hope it will end in intimacy.
Love is not based on sex. It is the maturation of friendship that makes sex so much sweeter. You must be friends before you can be lovers.
Infatuation lacks confidence. When he’s away, you wonder if he’s being unfaithful. Sometimes you check.
Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. He feels your trust, and it makes him even more trustworthy.
Infatuation might lead you to do things you will regret, but love never steers you in the wrong direction.
Love is elevating. It lifts you up. It makes you look up. It makes you better than you were before. April 18, 1998
Ann Landers, newspaper advice columnist